The Galactic Time Traveler newsletter, soon to be or not to be but in any case coming to your door even if you are not a subscriber, came into possession by our time intercept squad of some of the love letters russian soldiers write back home. The editorial board intercepted also a letter from our senior editorial member Witchdoctor in the same time warp operation.
As The Galactic Time Traveler magazine firmly believes in freedom, we will publish that, too…
Here we go.
Dear Mashenka
Spring is coming. I do not know it that is good or bad. I am stuck here in a middle of the rubble. The bombs fly and the walls crumble. We have dug a hole and it is sometimes cozy here with all the good pills and vodka our catering send us by drones…
I know that, Mashenka dear, you, our families and our Nation expects that we make Russia Great Again.
As Mashenka you said to me when fakebook Ru. was working, I am trying hard to spread the russian genes into this territory of decadent Ukrainians. As my father from Krasnokurck in Dolnjaja Tunga said to me, Igor, do not listen to the gossip, you are real russian 100%.
But there are no Ukrainian women here to f..ck! I know it is bad news even for you. Nobody is left here except us. So, I will hopefully soon try later to rape somebody and so spread the russian genes into the Decadent West and so help Russia and Humanity..
Our local FSB spy Serghei is soon coming to visit you when going on leave. Be very kind to him, he may give me a medal for that!
Please, when he wants to f..ck, do it quick.
Hope it ends soon. Yor Igor
LETTER APPROVED BY THE RUSSIAN SPECIAL OPERATION MEDIA UNIT.
Dear Anushka
I am with the boys in this hole waiting for the final attack, I do not know if it is ours or from the Ukrainians. Hope you are fine enjoying the spring in Moscow. Here we do not know if it is spring, nothing grows here. But we keep our company and with the help of pills and vodka all is fine.
I got your message of how best to serve and make Russia Great Again. I am trying to rape somebody, but maybe I am taking too much pills and it does not work well. Anyway I think that, maybe next time I will succeed in spreading my 100% russian genes into the decadent west. You know, back from where we are from, the Yakutskkurck Peat moss tundra, we all all 100% russians or that is what my sergeant corporal says to me every night. We are very very corporal lately. In fact, he, my sergeant, is acting as my man and me I am his girlboy. After so many pills and vodka we simply forget who we are. He is giving me this orders and I obey, sometimes I feel relaxed after. But it is you I think about when…
I am sending you a teddy bear I found here in a wrecked building , on a bed.. It is a little dirty on one side, it is some corrupt decadent Ukrainian blood. I know you are fond of teddy bears. Put it in the washing machine and think of me…
Your Ivan
LETTER APPROVED BY THE RUSSIAN SPECIAL OPERATION MEDIA UNIT.
Dear Boris
Dear light of my eyes! I am having this letter in my pocket, for you. I put it in a sandwich, thinking of us… Nobody will intercept it. I am constantly thinking of you and us together, somewhere south, away…
Dear Boris. Dear. I want us to be happy. I am doing all I can. Before I come to you, I must visit Mashenka and Anushka. They expect from me a quick sex. It is my job, sorry. All in the line of duty. As soon as I finish there as they want me to, I am running to you….
Dear light of my eyes, Your Serghei.
In my sandwich…
Dear Ninotchka,
ops, sorry, Gretushka. When I think of you I always remember Ninotchka, your mother. You look so alike and that brings up memories.
Long time no see.
How is the restaurant going? Are you still in Istanbul or wandering around as usual??
I passed by there and went to visit the graves of your “uncles” Iranoff, Buljanoff and Kopalski . What fun it was, remembering the old days!
But you were not not there in your restaurant, I was so sad… Next time, age permitting, I will make a formal appointment, you are so busy flying around!
Once in a while back home I play this documentary movie about your mother and others. Ernst was a fun guy. Lubič was his real name? He really showed your mother Ninotchka in full light,: I cry everytime. Can not believe it was in 1939 when it was filmed! I am getting senile, take pity on me!
Dear Gretushka ,Hope you stay away in big circle from your mothers homeland. Tell me, what your distant relatives back in Russia say about this horrible thing going on?
Anyway, do not take it to yor heart if they say bollocks. Poor souls…
Gretushka dear, if you pass nearby, give me a call. Witchlady and I will cook for you something special, for the sake of the old times!
Your “step uncle”, Witchdoctor.
Ps, bring some of your famous piroshki when you come! Maybe this time Witchlady will try one!
INTERCEPTED BY THE INTERCEPT UNIT OF THE GALACTIC TIME TRAVELER MAGAZINE